The Super Fun Time Largo Adventures: Camping
by exosist
Summary: Rotti Largo gets tired of being stuck in the office and decides to take his three children camping in an attempt to form relationships with them again.
1. Camping Chapter 1

Rotti Largo sat in his office, staring at a huge pile of paper work. The pile looked as if it was over ten feet tall, and after several hours of staring blankly into the boring documents, Rotti felt like he would die of boredom. He balanced a pen on his upper lip and thumbed through endless pages of payment contracts and scientific reports on new, efficient ways of creating new toe nails. The more he read, the less the writing seemed to make sense to him. The grey walls of his office were closing in on him. He felt his throat turn dry and his forehead beginning to sweat. Was the room spinning? Rotti felt like the room was spinning. He had to get out of there. Oh but the paper work!

"Screw the paper work!" He slammed the documents he was holding onto an empty spot on his desk and pressed the intercom button in a dramatic fashion.

"Yes, Mr. Largo?" a feminine voice from the little electronic box asked.

"Get King in here to read over these documents." Rotti said, rubbing his temples.

"He was fired for canoodling with the genterns."

"Oh, yes. That's right. What about Miss Dunham?"

"Fired for stealing paper clips."

"Mer-"

"Fired."

"Qui-"

"Fired."

"Well who didn't we fire?!" Rotti spat.

"Easter still has a job with us."

"Bring her in pl-"

"She has the day off, sir."

"Then never mind."

"Anything else, Mr. Largo?"

"No."

Rotti leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. How did life get so boring? He remembered when he first started Geneco. The excitement of a new business and a new life, the smell of fresh organs in the morning, oh how Rotti loved it all. Then a little spark lit up in Rottisimo's beady little eyes. He remembered something else that he loved so much more.

Camping.

He loved camping when he was little. He remembered when his father would take him out on the weekends and they'd sleep under the stars and become one with nature. Those were some of the greatest memories in his life. Possibly second to that one time he won a dance contest at his school prom. But boy, camping sure was swell. Rotti had always hoped to share the joy of family bonding in the middle of nowhere with his three children, but in a post-apocalyptic world it's hard to go camping. He slumped into his chair and looked at an old photo of his offspring.

A very little Amber was wearing a princess tiara and still had her old nose. She looked like a completely different person, but then again, she looked like a different person almost every other day. Pavi's face was hidden behind a mirror he was holding it up. Oh that boy always did love his reflection. And finally his eldest child, Luigi was strangling a cat in the background.

What happy times they were. A single tear ran down Rotti's wrinkled cheek. He flicked it away while wishing for a chance to become close to his children again.

"No." Rotti shouted and he stood up quickly, his rolling chair rolled and crashed into the wall behind him. "I'm not going to let a post apocalyptic world stop me from sharing Mama Nature with my babies!"

He grabbed his coat and rushed out the office door. His secretary was sitting at her desk, flirting with a delivery boy. Rotti pushed the young man aside.

"Esther, if anyone calls, tell them I'm out for the weekend. Also tell my driver to come to the entrance, Papa is going home!"

He gave the delivery boy another push just for funsies as Esther paged the driver. Rotti's driver arrived at the door in a matter of seconds and he was whisked away into his limo and off to his fancy LA mansion.


	2. Camping Chapter 2

"Kids! We're having a family meeting!" Rotti shouted from the bottom of the grand stair case of his fancy LA mansion.

Amber was the first to appear. Her demeanor was that like that of a zombie's. She walked slowly down the stairs, her eyes clouded in a Zydrate fueled daze. Amber reached the bottom of the stairs and gave her papa a kiss on the cheek. Rotti patted the top of her head and she went to go sit in a nearby chair.

The next to emerge from their bedrooms was Luigi. He looked angry, angrier than usual. His favorite puffy blouse had a random splotches of blood on it. Rotti figured Luigi's new personal maid made the mistake of touching his knife collection. They all seemed to make that mistake despite Rotti's advice. Luigi slammed doors and stomped his way down the stairs. His face was almost as red as the fresh maid's blood on his clothing. Reaching the bottom, Luigi walked right past his dad and sat in the chair next to Amber's.

"So Pop, what's g-" Luigi began.

"Hold on, we still need to wait for your brother." Rotti interrupted.

Everyone stayed in their spots for a few minutes. Luigi crossed his arms across his chest and mumbled something inaudible. Finally Pavi came out of his room. The Italian playboy had a maid under each arm and a smile on his face.

"And that's-a why they-a call-a the Pavi, the Captain." The two maids giggled, completely disregarding their messy hair and wrinkled uniforms as they walked past Rotti. The Largo family head rolled his eyes as Pavi and his maids sat on the couch.

"Children, daddy has a surprise for you!" Rotti exclaimed excitedly, hardly able to contain his excitement.

"Is it a pony?"

"Ponies are stupid, sister!"

"I know-a! It's a new-a mama!"

"Shut up Pavi!"

"I bet it's a pony..."

"No. Pop is going to say that the company is going to be left to me!"

"Ponies..."

"Maybe it's a bigger house?"

"Or a new-a mama!"

"Pavi, shut the fuck up!"

The three Largo children squabbled amongst themselves while Rotti stood there waiting for them to stop. After a while it was hard to tell what they were saying, but Rotti swore he heard something about sausages. FInally tired of their chatter, Rotti cleared his throat to get their attention.

It failed.

"QUIET!" Rotti boomed, the glass chandeliers in the room shook. The troublesome trio stopped and stared up at him in fear. The father cleared his throat again. "As I was saying. I have a surprise for all of you. We're going camping."

Tears of joy were streaming down his face. He could feel the joy in the room. It was like they were already becoming a family again. It was a warm feeling, like hot chocolate on a rainy day or perhaps like a having a puppy cuddle on your tummy. Unfortunately for Rotti, that moment of family togetherness was ruined when both of his beloved sons screamed as if they heard they were all going to be executed right then and there.

"Papa! There's-a no way the Pavi is going out into the wilderness-a! The Pavi is like-a a delicate-a flower! A handsome delicate-a flower!" Cried Pavi has fell to the floor. His two maids embarrassed by his sudden outburst had already left the room unnoticed.

"Besides pop, where are we going to find a place to camp? We're in Los Angeles for fuck's sake!" Luigi screamed angrily while pushing Pavi aside, causing his younger brother to shriek.

"Children, children, settle down! Daddy will figure everything out! Now go up and pack your things. The limo is waiting outside." Rotti smiled and clapped his hands together.

Amber finally stirred from her zombie state and stood up. "Brothers, I'm sure it isn't that bad. I for one think it's a splendid idea!"

Rotti's smile grew. He could always count on his not-so-little little girl. "Well, I'm off to pack, I suggest all three of you do too. We leave in 45 minutes." With that, Rotti hopped jauntily up the stairs and into his room to pack.

The two Largo brothers turned to their younger sister and grinned.

"Well-a sister, you do know-a we'll probably be out-a for a while." Pavi leered, fixing his beautiful black hair.

"Yeah, your point is?"

"Someone won't be able to get their Zydrate fix." Luigi said with amusement in his voice.

"What?"

"No more late night trips out to who knows where to meet shady characters with rainbow dreadlocks. I'm surprised you were so into pop's idea."

The little hamster wheel inside of Amber Sweet's head began turning and she put the pieces together. Her eyes went wide and like a flash she ran up the stairs. Amber pounded on the door, shouting profanities about camping at her father.


	3. Camping Chapter 3

The Largo Limo was parked in front of Rotti's fancy, LA mansion. Rotti's driver was loading the Largo clan's luggage into the trunk. Rotti stood by his fancy, LA mansion's giant wooden doors with both hands firmly placed on his newly replaced hips. Rotti was no longer dressed for business, with his usual expensive tailor suits. No, at that moment, Rotti was wearing flannel. Thick flannel. I'm talking lumberjack status here. The ensemble was completed with khaki pants, boots and topped off with a smile.

"Oh children, it's time to go now!" He shrieked into the home.

One by one, his lovely children came out of the door, each one looking a lot less excited than their daddykins. Everyone piled into the back seat of the limo, which was already packed with fishing rods, sleeping bags and bear traps. The driver rolled down the tinted window that was separating him and his passengers.

"Where to Master Largo?"

"Just drive around until you find trees." Rotti responded, swirling his finger for added effect.

"Yes sir."

After several hours of driving around in circles and going through back shady back alleyways, the limo finally came to an abrupt stop. Sadly, a sleeping Luigi flew out of his seat and into the pile of bear traps. Rotti, completely disregarding his son's pain jumped out of the limo.

"Children, welcome to the wilderness!" Rotti exclaimed, his arms stretched out as he twirled. Various mutated woodland critters came out of the bushes and cheered.

Luigi quickly ended their cheering by stomping on some as he came out of the limo. Amber crawled out, obviously starting to go through zydrate withdrawals. She plopped herself on a patch of dead grass and passed out.

Pavi stuck his foot out daintily, afraid to dirty up his designer boots. Seeing it was safe, the rest of the Pavi came out. He shaded his eyes with a hand. His delicate eyes were not used to such harsh lighting. Two mutated birds flew up to him and placed a mutated floral crown on top of his pretty, little head. A small giggle, similar to that of Snow White, escaped his lips. His father and brother stared up at him in disbelief.

Rotti shook it off and turned toward his still conscious children. "Alright, so Daddy is going to go fishing for our dinner. You two set up. Make sure your sister helps out with things when she wakes up." By this time, their driver had already unloaded all their luggage, supplies and bear traps and screeched away in the black limo. Rotti picked up a fishing rod and walked off into who knows where.


	4. Camping Chapter 4

The two Largo brothers sat on the dirty ground, both looking infuriated. Luigi was grinding his teeth. He looked around his surroundings. All he could see was his brother, his now conscious sister, twitching and foaming at the mouth on the floor, a huge pile of luggage, bear traps, and more trees than one would expect to find in a post apocalyptic world. "How could that idiot forget to pack tents?" he thought to himself.

Suddenly a little light bulb lit over his head. "This must be some kind of test! Pop is trying to see which one of us is the most worthy to become the head of Gene Co. It's the only possible explanation as to why he would take us to this stupid ass forest."

Luigi stood up and cleared his throat. "Alright, maggots! Since dad is gone, I'm in charge!"

Amber and Pavi didn't seem to care. He picked up a nearby log and flung it at his brother's head. Luckily for Pavi, living with Luigi had allowed him to develop cat-like reflexes. He swiftly dodged the projectile object.

"What-a the hell was-a that-a for, brotha?" Pavi huffed.

"Get up and make yourself useful for once. You go get fire wood and try to figure out how to make a fire without hurting yourself. Amber, go pick berries or some shit."

"And what-a exactly are you going to do-a, order us-a around while we do-a all-a the work?" Pavi scoffed.

Luigi rolled up his sleeves and loosened his silver, designer, trillion dollar ascot. "I'm going to be doing the man work of providing shelter. Something your powder puff ass can't handle. Now get to work. Chop chop!"

After several minutes of more fighting, each sibling went off on their own. Pavi of course was followed by his entourage of forest critters.


	5. Camping Chapter 5

Coming down from a zydrate high is not fun for Amber Sweet. Her legs turn weak like jello and don't have strength to hold the rest of her body up. She twitches, she shakes and occasionally vomits. Throw her in a forest and she'll swear it's even worse. Sure she hung out in nasty, addict infested alley ways, but mud and twigs are something she just can't stand.

After an hour of being out berry picking, Amber had had enough. There were leaves in her long black hair, her recently manicured nails ruined and her leather boots and hands were caked in disgusting mud.

She sluggishly crawled to a tree and propped herself up against it. If she was going to survive her dad's bonding time, she'd need a little help in the form of a little glass vial. With the rest of her strength, she pulled her cellphone out of her pocket. She stared blankly at the screen. The words, "No Service" had never been so horrifying in her entire life. A shrill shriek escaped her perfect, surgically modified lips. In a fit of rage, Amber threw the phone at tree, causing it to shatter into a million pieces.

"This is the worse day EVER." Amber thought with a pout. Suddenly, like an angel sent from above, a pigeon appeared. It was perched on a nearby log.

Amber Sweet had never seen a live pigeon before. To her, they were like a mythical creature, like unicorns, dragons and the ever elusive manatee. She remembered watching TV as a little girl, and people would use pigeons for sending messages. But that was from a primitive time, before the phone was invented or something.

It must've been a sign that she was destined to get her zydrate fix. She just had to figure out how to make the pigeon work. The people on her shows would write letters and give it to the fantastical bird to deliver. Surely pigeons from the 21st century were more technologically advanced than that.

"Pigeon, I have a message for you to deliver!" The pigeon cocked its head and Amber took it as a sign of it's agreement to her request.

"Alright, tell Graverobber that I, Amber Sweet, need a supply of Z and STAT. Now go, little pigeon, go." Amber commanded weakly.

The gray bird flew away and Amber smiled. Things were certainly looking up for her. Miss Sweet passed out against the tree with a satisfied look on her face.


	6. Camping Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Sweat dripped down Luigi Largo's slightly wrinkled forehead. His muscles ached. His black slacks were rolled up to his knees, and his white dress shirt was discarded and left with his fancy, trillion dollar, silver ascot and a pile of bear traps. The harsh sun was too much for him to handle. His back and shoulders were coompletely red. Luigi lated the final piece of his family's shelter in place. He took a step back to look at his master piece, his ode to his manlihood.

"Is that-a it?" a disappointed voice asked from behind. Luigi turned around to look at his younger brother.

"What do you mean 'is that-a it?! I'd like to see you try to top that!"

"It looks like-a a donkey with-a a tail built-a it." Pavi laughed.

Luigi looked back at his fortress. His fortress went up to about his waist and was made entirely out of sticks. "Fine then! If you don't like it, you can sleep in the cold!" lUigi stomped, causing the little wooden fort to collapse. Paviche burst out laughing at his older brother's failure, tear streaming from his beautiful eyes.

"And where's the fire wood you got while I was working on this, huh?" Luigi asked with a snort.

Pavi smiled, obviously pleased with himself. "While looking-a for fore wood, the Pavi found-a a couple of lost-a signoras instead."

"Typical. Of course Pavi would find women to distract himself with, even in the middle of nowhere." Luigi thought to himself.

"Besides, looks-a like you found-a the fire wood-a all by yourself-a anyway." said Pavi while glancing at the fallen, wooden shelter.

Luigi's face turned red with anger, like a lobster with eyebrows. He clenched his fists, his knuckles turned white. If he was going to be the head of Geneco, he'd have to learn to keep his cool.

"Luckily, the Pavi's little animal friends-a volunteered to help-a."

The older Largo brother blinked, "Help with what?"

"The tent-a of course!" Pavi exclaimed, grinning and pointing at the suitcases. Luigi turned his head and screamed at what he saw.

There, near the bear traps, were hundreds of mutated woodland animals sewing things together. Not just any thing of course. These things were Luigi's cherished ascot collection. All 1,776 of them.

Fuck GeneCo. and keeping your cool! Nothing gets between Luigi and his beloved ascot collection! Luigi decked his brother in the face and then ran to rescue his neckwear. He screamed as he kicked animals left and right. There were gophers, squirrels and rabbits flying everywhere.

"Take that Bambi!" was his battle cry, despite the fact there were no deer present. Luigi was never good with names of animals, but if you're rich, who cares?

"No brother! They just want-a to help!" Pavi cried while clutching his cheek. Luigi payed no attention as he continued throwing punches at the birds fluttering around him. Frightened by the ultra violent Largo, the cute, little forest critters ran away, leaving Luigi fuming in a pile of ascots and tiny sewing supplies.


	7. Camping Chapter 7

The Super Fun Time Largo Adventures: Camping

Chapter 7

Rotti hummed sadly as he began walking back to camp with fishing pole and empty bucket in hand. He was unable to catch a single fish. A knot began to form at the bottom of his stomach. For the first time in his life, Rotti was unable to provide for his children. What was he going to tell them? "_Oh sorry, kids! Papa was unable to catch any dinner! But he did manage to catch an old boot and a tire. Eat up!" _He could already picture their disappointed faces and hear their disappointed stomachs. Camping was not as fun as he remembered.

He kept walking. His pace becoming slower with each step. He really didn't want to return empty handed. Rotti tried looking for some other food alternative. "_Rocks? No, too hard. Leafs? No, it'd be better to go back with nothing. Worms? No, that's too… PERFECT!"_ The Largo children weren't especially bright, although Luigi liked to believe he was some kind of genius. Rotti figured he could just tell them the worms were a rare delicacy, exclusive to only the most wealthy and sophisticated.

Kneeling down on the floor, Rotti started searching for worms. He was able to find two small ones and gave up. Rotti would needs hundreds, no, THOUSANDS of worms in order to create a whole meal.

Rotti was on the floor, just thinking, "Come on Rotti! You're the most powerful man in the world! You've got to figure something out."

A nearby bush's leafs began to rustle. Rotti stared at it, getting ready to hit whatever it was with his bucket. Hopefully it was a raccoon or something, anything that could be barbequed. Suddenly a man's head popped out, then the rest of him. He looked frightened beyond belief. His eyes only got wider once he noticed Rotti Largo was in front of him. He shrieked and fell backward. Rotti just continued to stare.

"M-M-Mr. Largo!" He stuttered, his face turning pale. Rotti obviously didn't know who he was, he was too rich and powerful to know who the little people are. "I-I-I know I'm a l-little l-l-late with the payments, b-but I promise I'll pay when I have the m-money." His eyes were almost bulging out of his skull. The frightened man was clutching a giant backpack. Rotti eyed him and then the pack.

"What's in the bag?" Rotti questioned, pointing.

"I-It's n-nothing. J-Just food."

"Food?" Rotti smiled slightly. "I'll give you an extension on your payments if you give me everything in that bag."

In less than a second, the man put the backpack at Rotti's feet and began kneeling as if he was doing some form of worship.

"T-Thank you, Mr. Largo! You're a saint! I promise I'll pay! Really! I will!" the man cried.

Rotti stood up and slung the backpack on his back. Walking back to camp, leaving the crying man all alone and not bothering to even ask him his name. Luckily for Rotti, that meant he didn't have to keep his promise. Unfortunately for the man, that meant a repo man would come looking for him.

Mr. Largo swung his arms and whistled a happy song as he walked. The familiar sound of Luigi and Pavi fighting and the sight of a tent made out of logs and ascots greeted him.

The Largo brothers quickly stopped their fighting when they realized their father had returned. They both walked toward him, eager to find out what was inside the bag. All three Largo men were huddled around the pack. Rotti slowly unzipped it. The three looked inside at the same time. Smiles crept onto their faces simultaneously.

They weren't going to starve! Pavi was the first to reach into the bag, pulling out a box of Twinkies, which as they all knew, had stopped being produced back in '042. Good thing Twinkies last forever! Luigi was next to pull something out. He stuck his gloved hand inside and picked the first thing he touched. "Oh joy!" Luigi thought as he gazed at the package of kosher hot dog franks.

Next was Amber who… but wait, where was Amber? Rotti looked around and saw no sign of his favorite and only daughter.

"Luigi, Pavi, where is your sister?" Rotti asked, quickly ending the brothers' celebration of meat products and cream filled pastries from long ago.

"She went berry picking a few hours ago." Stated Luigi while looking at his wristwatch.

"Well have you heard from her at all?"

The two brothers looked at each other, and then back at their father. Both of them shook their heads. Rotti tried calling her, but of course there was no answer. Oh why didn't he bring the valets with him? They certainly would've taken better care of her than her two worthless brothers.

"Okay, you two go look for her and I'll stay here in case she returns. And hurry, it's already getting dark!" ordered Rotti. Luigi and Pavi dropped their food and scrambled their way into the direction they remembered seeing Amber go in earlier.

Rotti watched and became increasingly worried. Despite finding food, this trip had really become a disaster. Rotti's darling little girl had gone missing. It seemed like just yesterday she was six and going with him to GeneCo for her very first "Bring Your Daughter to Work Day." Rotti had taken Pavi with him before he thought Amber was old enough, but that's a completely different story. He felt distressed as he began to wonder if he'd ever see her ever again.


End file.
